25/5/12

On Unrequited Love *My first love *College love *mis-love

I loved thee but I told thee not … (Clare)

                Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments!

For my sweet love remember’d, such wealth brings! (Shakespeare)

                I cherish her for in me she bides! (Sidney)

And once I almost set down by her toes a Magnolia flower.        

                And most of all I feared that her denial would be my damnation.

Inaction allowed for the worst to occur: nothing.

                And then I walked by her, at dark, embraced by another.

And I walk by her as a simple stranger.

                And the first time I saw her — I knew & I felt it.

And once I almost wished her into being,

                And twice I longed for her & there she was!
And it has only been a year since we last saw,

                And still think about her mightily

And sometimes I look up and wonder

                And sometimes I look down & imagine

And I thought by connecting our pasts  

                We could forge a future

And then I heard nothing from her

                As if she expected nothing from me

And I never held her hand,

                Nor touched her skin

And I wanted to reach across-

                But where the bridge?

And I thought a kiss would save me-

                Seeing as her hellos warmed me.

And I feared what she saw

                But the unknowing hurt as much . .  .

And I only knew her in painting

                In which I tried to capture her delicate grace

And how she moved in elegance:

                And her body was music

And her eyes gems

                Her hair waves,

                And her voice the sea!

And her legs unexplored caverns

                And I the sojourner!

And she my queen, my saint

                And I her wearied wanderer

Harried for years on end …

                And she my Penelope, waiting for me!

Or my Beatrice

                Divided by concentric spheres of hell

And I only wished for wings

                To carry me there.

And when she ran to another

                —away from me

And when she denied me

                -I knew it way okay

To stray away

                Removing the blade

I stored her anyway.

                And carried her with me.

And when I was locked in

                I wish for nothing less …

And they told me to resort to poetry,

                To bring me to you

So maybe out of these lines

                We could start anew

And maybe if I pray to Christ

                He may bring me to you

But for now the muses

                Will have to do

***

And I cried for her

                And she for me?

And her?

                And I?

We?